Your name?
Zlatko. Simovski Zlatko.
Where are you coming from?
Macedonia.
Your occupation prior to embarking on a cruise ship for the first time?
Construction.
Why did you choose to work on ships?
In the construction thing I spent 11 years (I started when I was 12) and simply got tired. It was summer, the temperature outside was 50 degrees Celsius, and I was burning under the sun while all my friends were on vacation somewhere. On top of that, somebody would pay once the project was completed, and somebody would pay the following Monday. Or Friday.
How many suitcases were enough to fit your stuff for one full contract on the ship?
Wherever we were sailing, it was summer, so one suitcase was enough.
How long have you worked on ships?
Almost six years.
Your last job on a cruise ship?
Pool attendant.
What did your parents think about your job?
They were happy. At least on the phone.
What did your friends think about your job?
Their opinion was exceptionally positive. It’s worth mentioning that, during my career on ships, I never posted photos of myself on Facebook showing how I scrub the pool chairs under the Caribbean sun.
How many passengers, roughly speaking, were you greeting daily?
My estimate is 300 to 400. Kindness and good service are the core of the cruise industry, so saying hi to the passengers and having a short conversation with them was in my job description.
A word from the ship’s dictionary, and its meaning?
‘Mamagayo’ is one of the most popular words among the crew members on ships and is usually used as a joke. When we say that someone on board is Mamagayo, we imply that he/she spends time in the cabin or hiding somewhere while on duty.
Were you ‘007’ at work (0 motivation, 0 skills, and 7 smoking breaks)?
No. I always worked like my father owned the ship.
Were you punctual or late for work?
My workplace was 20-something seconds from my bed. Out of respect for the people traveling two hours, I never let myself be late.
How did romantic relationships work on board?
A cruise ship is a giant fruit salad when it comes to relationships. Romantic relationships.
If needed, what is the best place in the cabin to hide a partner? Was there any space in your cabin at all?
Regular cabins were 5-7 square meters (50-70 square feet) big. It’s really hard if you are not a magician.
Which employee on the ship, by position, would make the best trauma therapist (except for the HR manager), and why?
Each crew member who interacts with passengers. There is always someone who will share with you their life story, their problems, and other things that should not be shared. With time, you become a trauma therapist without a degree.
The most embarrassing moment in your ship’s career?
While I was mopping a spilled drink on the open deck, the passengers noticed my passion for the job and started shouting as if we were in a football stadium. At that moment, something went wrong in my mind, causing me to start dancing to Michael Jackson’s ‘Moonwalk’, which was playing in the background. Give me 100 years, and I won’t come up with a better idea on how to embarrass myself.
Rules on the ship you used to break?
I was breaking every rule possible. Drying clothes hooked on the sprinkler, eating in the Lido’s galley while on duty, opening watertight doors without permission from the ‘bridge’, watching shows in the theater despite it being forbidden for the regular crew members, smuggling alcohol, bribing other crew members (cooks, linen keepers, etc.) I was on the verge of losing my job several times, but since everyone else was doing the same things, I was only receiving written warnings.
A passenger’s question that has left you speechless?
“Do you live on the ship?”
A passenger’s complaint that has left you speechless?
It’s difficult to choose just one, so I’ll go with the complaints about the weather.
If you charged 1 dollar/minute for listening to passengers complain, would you be rich now?
Yes.
Did you have nicknames for your colleagues? Which one was the best?
Yes, of course. A colleague from the Philippines had short legs, so I used to call him ‘The Lie’.
Have you ever been unsure whether you are drunk or the ship is rocking?
Yes.
Have you ever argued with a roommate about whether the toilet paper should roll toward you or against the wall?
No. We were always approaching that issue with maturity and logic.
Have you ever argued with a roommate over the cabin temperature?
Yes. The ‘friend’ wanted to sleep at 40 Celsius (104 Fahrenheit) and with 3 blankets. Fortunately, God gave him wisdom, and after 2 days of arguments, he moved to another cabin with a roommate with similar needs.
Do you believe that the cruise industry needs more people like you? Or less?
I definitely wasn’t perfect as a crew member, but definitely more.
From this time distance, could you describe your behavior in the crew bar as decent?
Yes, it was. Most of the time.
If you have your own cruise ship, how would you name it?
I have no idea. I would ask Jennifer Lopez to christen my ship.
Have you ever been on the ship’s TV channel? If not, what would you say?
On one occasion, I said Happy New Year to the passengers. But on that cruise they were too busy drinking, and watching TV was the last thing on their minds. I don’t think my wishes for health, love, and happiness reached many of them.
If you could have turned into an insect for 30 minutes, where on the ship would you have landed?
In a restaurant, on Tomahawk steak.
Seeing a small boat circling the ship, have you ever suspected they might be closely related?
Something like a mother and a daughter.
Yes, when I joined a ship for the first time.
Did the laundry machines on the ships behave the same as the ones on land? I mean, did they hide socks?
Yes. They are all the same.
Which celebrity would be a wonderful cruise ship employee, and why?
Jennifer Lopez! I saw her dressed as a maid in a movie, and I fell off the chair.
If pets were allowed, which one do you wish you had in your cabin?
Turtle. As a balance to the fast life on the ship.
Did you naturally lose friends at home while on the ship, or did you lose them on purpose, so you didn’t have to tell your ship stories 20 times?
Naturally.
What was more often happening to you while on the ship, sleeping 8 hours or 8 minutes?
8 minutes.
Would you hang out privately with your last supervisor? And why not?
He is my countrymen, but I wouldn’t. We worked together for six months, and he always behaved like a stranger. Since a young age, I have been taught not to associate with strangers.
If your liver could speak, what would it say about the time spent on cruise ships?
My liver would probably address me with the words, “Your body is your temple. And you didn’t seem to care about your temple.”
If your spine could speak, what would it say about the time spent on cruise ships?
The silence of my spine speaks volumes. If I were the particular spine, I wouldn’t say anything either.
Have you ever experienced karma hitting you back on the ship? If so, elaborate.
I believe in karma, so I never dared to hurt anybody on the ship. Ok. Only the short-legged colleague from the Philippines whom I was calling ‘The Lie’.
Have you ever experienced a huge ocean wave? If so, did you wave back?
Yes, but I didn’t wave back. I was like, “Calm down; we are not the ones throwing garbage in your waters at 3 am.” I never wanted to judge the ocean, but the waves were like 15 meters (50 feet) tall.
The most epic firing or quitting you’ve seen on a ship?
I remember a waiter who was tired of his supervisor, his supervisor’s supervisor, and passengers who ate everything and then complained it was horrible. Instead of resigning and paying for the plane ticket, he brought fishing gear on board and went fishing on a day when the open deck was jam-packed with passengers. He was fired the same day (with a free ticket in hand), but the damage was already done. By the time the security guard arrived, passengers had already taken pictures and videos of him. An employee of one of the most luxurious cruise lines uses his free time to catch fish from the crowded open deck. What an epic shame.
Have you ever thought about selling a kidney as an easier way to make money than working on a cruise ship?
The decision to work on cruise ships is the best I have ever made.
What about your spending habits? Were those two months of vacation between two contracts challenging to survive financially?
During those two-month vacations, I was building my own house. Anyone who builds a house knows it’s a bottomless well, so yes, I was returning to the ship broke.
If you owned a cruise ship, would you hire someone like you?
Yes.
What was your pick-up line on the ship?
I was very direct. And lucky I didn’t get kicked out for it.
Your example of difficult come easy go money?
I work (every single day) 11 hours at the pool plus 3 hours of side job, and then I connect to the $12/hr ship’s internet.
The worst combination you’ve seen a crew member consume in the crew mess?
I was most shocked by a colleague from Haiti who used to drink milk with salt and sugar at the same time. Perhaps because it was the first time I faced, for me, such a strange combination. There are other more extreme cases, but after the milk I got used to it.
Your biggest screw-up on the ship?
On one occasion, returning from a beach, I forgot to tap the card on the security device. In the crowd, the security officer did not notice that, so I was still outside according to the system. An hour later, I was asleep as the ship prepared to leave the port, so I didn’t hear the few calls of my name over the public address system. The head of security woke me up and taught me a good lesson for the chaos I caused.
The biggest colleague’s screw-up on the ship?
Not exactly my colleague, but he is the absolute champion in this category. In the middle of the Caribbean Sea, the captain mistakenly activated the abandon ship alarm. General panic and lasting mental health consequences.
Some good on-duty story?
There are many, but… In my section by the pool, I found a pen in very bad condition. I almost threw it away, but I decided to take it to reception’s ‘lost and found’ department before finishing the shift. A few hours later, an elderly couple came looking for that pen with which, as they said, they had signed their marriage 30 years earlier.
Some good off-duty story?
I was out in Marseille, France, with a colleague, and as we were walking around, a guy stood in our way and offered us the newest iPhone. At that time, the phone was around 1000 euros, but he asked for 400. Not wanting to waste time, my colleague confirmed that the iPhone was brand new, withdrew the money from the nearest ATM, and then checked the phone again. But, while he was taking the money out of the pocket, the guy, who turned out to be a skilled thief, replaced the original box with a new one that contained a piece of wood. Neither my colleague noticed nor did I, while standing aside and thinking about my own problems in life. Instead of being disappointed, the colleague was amazed by how good the thief was at his craft. “He totally deserved them,” my colleague said.
Favorite port of call?
Bora Bora.
Favorite country?
Italy. That’s not a country; that’s a different planet.
What would be your autobiography’s title?
There will be no autobiography. More than enough ‘dirty laundry’ has been aired in the ‘Diary of a Cruise Ship Employee (Uncensored)’
